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From Spooky Poop Zine

Dead Fucking Last
(done sometime in late 96? by chicken)

SP: Lemme get the names so I know who said what when I type this...
Tom: bass
Tony: drums
Monty: guitar
Tom: (in a high voice) Tom Davis is not here right now.
Tony: Ask us all the questions about Adam Horowitz first, cause we're playing "Minus Atom" first I want to get him out of the way.

SP: Well, actually, I really had no questions about him since that is probably what everyone else is asking about. (In a dumb typical interview vioce) Whoa, why isn't he in the band, you could be making a million dollars on Grande Royale and shit?
Monty: Misconception.
Tony: Really big misconception, cause we're so paid now that we're on Epitaph. Well, we're paid now a little, where before we weren't paid at all.
Monty: Epitaph gives us a lot of support. Grande Royale was a good first label, but they never took us very seriously.
Tony: I just like Grande Royale's logo much more than I like Epitaph's...I'm out here to tell all those kids that they don't know what they are talking about...I mean, Epitaph supports creativity, and they have a lot of money now, that means they can create more and more shit. I mean, you like NOFX, you like PENNYWISE and DFL, so what the fuck are you talking about? Your guilty pleasure to listen to your NOFX record while your trying to be some sort of punk.
Monty: Tony got inside, crazy inside.
Tom: When it comes to money, it's all low budget, but it's enough for us to do it right, and get enough creative control. We have enough money to do what we want, they don't spend $3000 on something that you don't want to.
Tony: They don't make you get fat. And when bands get too fat, they go to Mercury.
Monty: If it wasn't for OFFSPRING, we wouldn't be here.
Tony: Let's get to the meat of the matter, let's let my man speak.

SP: Do you get a better response from the punk kids or the hardcore kids...oh, well there's the hip-hop kids too?
Tom: We get the best response from the kids who want to mosh around, and freak out.

SP: Big fat stagedives!
Monty: It's regional, I mean RANCID gave us a show, and there were these Oi! punk rockers, it just went over their heads. Last night though, in NJ, there were these kids with mohawks that were totally down with us. On the East Coast, hardcore is like Sick Of It All and Biohazard, but to me, it was always like MINOR THREAT, short fast songs. (Tom Davis walks in, they start talking about the weather outside).
Tony: Our next release on Epitaph is going to be a cassette only release. You know, they are trying to delete cassettes. And casettes really are the way that it gets listened to. You make a casette of the record, put your favorite songs off the record combined with what other favorite songs you have, and you listen to it in the car.
Monty: What's the name of it?
Tony: Greatful. It's gonna be called Greatful-Dead Fucking Last (Laughter).
Monty: I don't know where it came from...I love the hippie girls with the hairy armpits. They're rad and cute.
Tom: What about Citizen Monty?
Tom Davis: You named the last one, I wanna name this one. It's called, Shut up Donkey! (Someone yelled: PLAY HARD DONKEY!!!!!)
Tony: Citizen Monty was supposed to be the vinyl name for the third record. (Everyone starts talking simultaneously about Hippie Girls, the third record, and Greatful Dead records).
Monty: That's our second record.
Tony: The CD should be greatful, cause we're over. That's the third record on Epitaph, done and we're happy and thankful. But it's the last record.

SP: So you have a three record deal?
Tom: They offered us a 30 record deal, but we thought that would be a little extreme. Till 2048, we're like old, man.
Monty: All the really big record names only do one off deals like NOFX, and PENNYWISE.
Tony: But seriously, don't buy CD's, buy cassettes, buy vinyl.

SP: I hate cassettes, vinyl's cool.
Tony: I just don't like the decision that this medium will not exist anymore. And the fact is, when they tried to delete vinyl, the entire record making industry went down a notch in quality. There was no demand for it, so it's tough to get a good record pressed. (Big metal man walks in...)

Biohazard Guy (guitarist I think): Is this the artsy fartsy room in here, oh (looks at me doing the interview) I'm sorry.

Monty: We hung the tapestries up for you.
Tony: Welcome to Africa, Pennsylvania!

SP: Crazy bigassed BIOHAZARD guy.
Tom Davis: BIOHAZARD dissed us man, artsy farsty room.
Tony: (getting back to the conversation) Hey, I care man, I make sure it has the best PVC we could get our hands on. Epitaph, they were willing to put up with my eccentricity about where I wanted my record pressed.
Monty: What is your name, Chicken? Tom's is eagle, just look at him (referring to his nose). He even had a reverse hawk once.
Tom: Are you talking about me man? (We all went off on this big conversation about everything from Ian Mackaye to Sony).

SP: So what should I expect tonight, are you gonna go off?
Monty: Of course, we always do.
Tony: I was going to spin hip hop records, but the club here was kinda uptight. We have our own turntables and everything.

SP: Last comments?
Monty: Keep it real

SP: 25 ta life
Tony: 15 will get you 20

The tape then cut off, and suddenly kicks into "Antisocial" by ANTHRAX. What a perfect end to a crazy interview. DFL were such great guys that when I inqured about the DFL shirts, Tony whipped his off his back to give to me. No lie. -chicken